I hate the idea of blogs. A bit egocentric. Its like every time I say “check out my music” or whatever, it irks me a bit. “Check out my wisdom!”. “Check out the insignificant minutae of my existence!”. But then I have lately gotten addicted to reading certain blogs and they have challenged me and added to me so if I am able to do the same…Alright the truth is I want to tell you all how I managed to insult my boyhood hero Jon Bon Jovi to his face twice….But all in good time…
So it is almost five years to the day that we moved to Nashville, TN. We stayed the first night in our empty house on an air mattress, and I remember walking downstairs in the middle of the night too excited to sleep, nervous, expectant, looking out at the lights of the city as they shimmered through the bare trees. It was all an adventure…five years ago.
Lately I dont have that anticipation anymore. I know where every road leads in the city, I know the lights I am looking at are just office blocks, and the stars in the sky are just glowing balls of rock. No magic. Is that a part of adulthood we are supposed to accept? The cynicism that comes when you realise the dreams you thought were going to come true arent coming true? And even though other things have gone so right, theres a nagging feeling of wrongness… But whats new !? Even when everything is going right theres always something that is the obstacle to happiness. I could have everything – funds to tour and make records and re-start this music career in earnest, and i’ll still want the next thing…
So. . .how to be happy. I was at an after-awards show party several months ago with collected members of the glitteratti, invited by a video director gentleman who had seen me with my band live and was interested in working with me in some capacity (I didnt climb through a window this time). Anyway, Jon Bon Jovi was there, of whom I was once quite the devotee (I’ve said it before but indie folks will lie and tell you the Smiths were the first band they discovered but there’s a far greater likelihood it was somebody like Bon Jovi or Extreme, like 12 or 13 years old…from listening to the top 40..before grunge killed the hair bands..).
I was interested to talk to the chiselled rocker since I had never met him although my old band played three times with them - they left in limos for the airport the second they got offstage. I wanted to tell him I had played “Wanted Dead or Alive” for my GCSE music performance, and that my band had supported them at Wembley Stadium (so there was some kind of relevance in my talking to him).
So yeah when you talk to famous people, you tend to take for granted that they will know who you are, since you’ve seen their face around so much on TV and whatnot. Plus you dont want to sound like everybody else they meet – you want them to remember you. Its an interesting dynamic. So I, awkwardly, was attempting to act like he was a buddy or something – a vast miscalculation. I didnt mean to insult him.. I said something about how sorry I was that Keep The Faith was a flop in the USA (it was in the spirit of “I loved that album” but it came out …wrong) and something about their new “country” direction being “too experimental for europe”.…and spent the rest of the time trying to dig myself out of the hole…as his eyes darted around the room looking for someone prettier to talk to…though I know there will be some of you who find gratification that I insulted Bon Jovi. But you have to have a degree of respect for someone who has seen a million faces and has rocked a large percentage of them (if not all).
Has anyone else reading this done something like that? Being too familiar with a celeb-type?
We did have a good ten minute conversation and I talked with David Bryant the keyboard player with the curly hair for a long time as well. No Tico though. This is the thing -you would think that the guys in Bon Jovi would be happy, if anyone would be fulfilled it would be them. Not because they have money, but because they have enough people interested in them still to play their songs to tens of thousands in every city. They mean something to the culture and to many people. They are meaningful to a lot of folks, and you would think that riches aside it would be enough to give a sense of accomplishment.
But as with about everyone I have known in a similar position in my travels, theres little peace when you get to that mountaintop. Theres the ongoing obsession to beat your best score, to remain relevant. In Bon Jovi’s case I could sense in conversation that they strive to be taken seriously by the critics, peers, the elusive elite they have never been able to win over. And face it, if they are seen as hasbeens, they’ll be thrown to the lions. Their currency is in their ability for their latest record to sell. And it really seems to me it takes away from the joy of what they are doing…. What a drag, man!!
So I have been waiting stupid amounts of time for my album to be finished – partly my fault, partly my producer, partly bad luck, management. And I am frustrated because I feel like I am not doing what I was put on this planet to do, get out there and connect with people through music. For you it may be something else, but you know theres something that you think would make you happy. And in the meantime you are waiting for that time when you can sit back and say “I’m actually happy. I can take a break…” But I don’t know if that even exists.
At least I haven’t been oblivious to the satisfying, joyful moments I have in my life, like having kids, which changes you for the better and reintroduces pure, selfless love into your heart. And also not screwing up my marriage, developing spiritually, becoming a better songwriter, providing for my family through a day job. Maybe i’m halfway there. But let me wish this in 2008 that all of us can get a clue about how to be happy.
Theres a great bit of dialogue in Annie Hall between Woody Allen’s character and this vacous, handsome-looking couple, he stops them in the street;
“So you both look happy – are you happy? How do you account for it?”
“Well, I’m shallow and empty. I have no ideas and nothing to say”
“And I’m the same”
“Ah I see, so you’ve worked it out then”
Josh
