Who am I?

Alright, writing a blog. I am doing this because I am a human being and every human being has something to say, and thats it. If it shows me up as being average as a human being then that is how it should be. Musician types get away with editing themselves into sensitive, wonderfully insightful people when they only communicate in four minute ditties. Even in my position as an ex-c-list popstar, current indie hopeful, I get a lot of ego inflation. But please, dont stop…..lol….

In an attempt to justify another blot in the blogosphere, I think I have a unique perspective. I was born in a council estate called Stanhope just outside Ashford, Kent. When I was born at the end of the 70s, it was the place they sent all the people not good enough to get into London. It was a bit pikey. In America it would be called “the projects”.They used to block up all the storefronts with metal shutters at night, like in Beirut. Used condoms laying around in the streets.

My parents were Christian missionaries, who felt called to bring the example of Christ into a tough area. Love thy neighbour, Jesus can forgive your sins, Jesus can deliver you from drugs. They started a church that had normal people, poor people, drug addicts, a lot of people without hope, generally. It was a violent place – my Dad was beaten up by a drunk in front of my Mum who almost miscarried me because of it. Lots of stories.

We were even homeless for a while. But my parents continued their church and it eventually grew to where I had a fairly middle class upbringing culminating in a grammer school education and a bit of uni. They got rid of the TV for a year. I got into football (soccer) and writing songs instead. Songs won out and I started bands and saved up my dinner money to record albums and sell them.

Started the Dumdums and got a manager while in uni and felt confident enough of our success to take the leap of faith and drop out. Worked at various factories, and got married young while still poor, rented a place. Got signed for publishing by Sony,  record deals all over the world, immediately came into money, bought a place. Band toured, had chart success, made proper fans who felt what we were singing about, but other fans who wanted another boyband to scream at, and a divided press who couldnt understand us.

Figured I would quit the band and start something else more serious, quickly. Just pick it up from where I left off. But I couldnt find the songs, I hadnt realised what a great thing it was to be part of that band, and I just got really undisciplined. Bad habits, addictions, depression, never leaving the house.

In retrospect, it would have helped me to get a day-job but I just thought it kind of embarrassing, like you always hear of the guy in “so and so band” who was now working in a starbucks. What a letdown! One minute working your balls off through the toilet circuit, building a fanbase, being one of the 0.001% of bands to get signed and one of the select few of the signed bands to actually make it on the popcharts, then suddenly being like the mere mortals again.

So, my long suffering wife and I decide to move to America. Sell the house,  sell and give away about all of our possessions (I kept all the fan letters and other sentimental items) and move to Nashville Tennessee. A new start, we could raise a family, and I could work at success in music in the USA (and come back to England a conquering hero).  If it didnt work out, I could write country music, right? We bought a house in the suburbs and had some money to live off while I got my head together.

Five years later, I am here in Nashville Tennessee. I have two children, a girl, 4, and a boy, 5 months. Had a top U.S manager, got rid of him – I was doing everything myself, he was waiting to cash in when I got somewhere. I made an EP myself, sold ‘em, made money and lots of new fans. I’m halfway through an album of superior quality to anything else i’ve done, able to put down on record something to reach my potential. Had a credit card fraud on our account last Christmas and had to get a day job, fast, for the first time since before the Dumdums. Been playing small venues with a band, just how the Dumdums started before. It can happen again. Am I in a good place? I am at the point of giving up, but know theres not much else I can do. So I persevere, in the knowledge that people believe in me and I believe in myself.

Maybe anyone who writes a blog writes it for themselves? But if someone gets something out of these words, then thats two of us benefitting, i’d say its worth the effort. LOL…!